I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
