I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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