Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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