I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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