this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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