OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
