chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
