so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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