could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
