The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
