I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
i now understand why vodka
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
