he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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