I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
