she smelled like a LAN party
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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