If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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