So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
