Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
