Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
