just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
this just has baby written all over it
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
