i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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