when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
