dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
