You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
