Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
