I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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