Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
It's never too late to be topless.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
