Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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