I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
