Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
