My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
