We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
