we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
