how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
