I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
