Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
