A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Houston, we have a squirter
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
