both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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