'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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