I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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