hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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