Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
