mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
