Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
