Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
