he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
