THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
