I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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