Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
