Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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