he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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